Love is a grave mental disease. I'm glad there's no cure.

There are certain things in life that you don’t choose to go through. Puberty, school, the occasional slaps on the arse when it’s your birthday. Though, there are many things you can choose.
For me, choosing to go to Guiding Mosaic 2010 was a choice I will never regret.

Choosing to fly to GM is another story.

Upon arrival at camp, I was sick from the plane, dehydrated, tired and not in a very good mood. It was like, a bagillion degrees out, and I had to drag my luggage all the way down to the Rangers camp site, at the very end of the road – a daunting task for someone who was sleep deprived the night before. While walking down the road, I was confronted by a large school bus going one way, and a golf cart coming the opposite. Now, that would have been fine, but the drivers started talking, and there was just no way to get around them with my huge-donkey bedroll and my massive suitcase.
So, I just stood there in the blistering heat, wanting so badly to just lay down in the shade or jump in the lake, but obviously there was no teleportation pod around, so I just stayed put. The lady in the golf cart had probably guessed I’d had enough because she came and drove me up to the camp.

It was about then that the days started to blend together in a mass of grime, fun and sun. Too much sun though.

I barely even remember what happened since I was too busy having fun, worriedly counting down the days until I would have to leave.

The 16th was something, I tell you.
I went on a tour of Casa Loma, which was fantastic, but then came the terrifying part... Those of you who know me, know that I’m deathly afraid of heights, so this will come as a shock to some of you. That or you just won’t care. ANYWAY.

GUESS WHAT.

I WENT TO THE TOP OF THE CN TOWER.
Pshaaa. That’s right. Mr. CN, you don’t scare me anymore... big bully.

Then, the night of the 16th came all too soon. They say all good things must come to an end, but couldn’t this be an exception? We were all so close. Great friends, but almost more. We became a family.

We’d seen each other clean and happy, and then the opposite on days when we couldn’t sneak in a shower. We saw each other at a basic level. No makeup, fancy clothes or whatever. We saw each other for who we were.

After the ending ceremony (at which Kate wins the title for the most tears – silly child) we all trooped back to the Communications trailer so we could all say goodbye together as a team. While I must admit I was extremely distressed about having to bid farewell to everyone, I sorta kicked my sadness in the butt and told it to stay put at the back of my brain, where all silly things like that should stay. I felt as though I need to comfort, not be comforted at that point. We all careened up to the site after listening to one amazing miss Georgia – gurl can saaaaaaang – and regrettably said goodbye to our beloved Brit, Hazel. She said “Harry Potter” one last time for us before gallivanting off to her group, a stuffed Energizer Bunny in hand.

It was about then that it was starting to sink in – I may never see these wonderful people ever again. But once more, like the emotion stubborn gnome I am, I held back those tears and ignored the stupid separation pangs that were already starting to grow. By that point I began trudging instead of walking through the campsite, my throat starting to swell a little, and when everyone was gathered around our lawn, that’s when it hit me.

I was going now.

No turning back.

All the best friends I had made in Guelph Ontario were soon to be miles away, in BC, Saskatchewan, Alberta, etc... And with no job, how the hell would I ever convince my parents to let me visit? I went over a bagillion different scenarios in my head, but they all turned out to be “no”’s. I sorta shed a tear or two while making up my rather awful bedroll, and then – regrettably – it was time for me to take the trip down the long road to the camp entrance.

It felt so fitting.

On day one, I was miserable and alone while making the trek at midday in the blistering heat.

Now, at midnight, I was plotting along almost gleefully with some of the best people to ever enter my life.

And they’re all so unique in their own way.

When we got to the large tent we were going to sleep in, I looked back at them all as I threw my junk in a pile (you know, I never realized I owned so much crap).

At that moment, I realized that I had come to love these girls more than just friends – I felt like I was saying goodbye to my sisters.

I kept them there for as long as I could, finally starting to really cry, and grappling myself to a few of them. Hugs and cheek smooches (ewwwy XD) were exchanged before they literally shoved me into the tent. Then they booked it. I don’t blame them. If they had stayed a second longer, I would have been permanently rooted to the spot.

I came back to stand at the doorway like a puppy waiting for its master, though whether or not they looked back to see me there, I don’t know. I just watched them vanish into the black, cloudy night. Sorta like Santa Claus would on Christmas Eve or something.

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so empty. I just kinda unrolled my bed and died on it.

Musta sobbed for a solid hour at least.

Hours later, our plane banked through the gray Saint John clouds, and I realized how much I was really going to miss them.

First of all, I had slept and dozed nearly the entire flight. I’m horrified of flying. I thought up some strange things, but every time, I knew I had been dreaming about being with all my new friends.

Second, I had let go of my body contact issues (everyone knows gnomes hate physical contact, eh) even if only for a short while, and just for them in particular.

Third, I cried.
Now. You have to understand that I do cry quite a bit – but not like this and very, very rarely in where it’s visible.

I think it’s safe to say that I left a piece of me back in Ontario, and I’m hoping someone brought it home with them.
Because next time we see each other, I’ll be needing it back. <3

~I promise you all we’ll see each other again, even if I don’t know where or when. I love you all with every ounce of my gnome-ness, and I wish you all the best.
We may have been sisters for a century, but let’s all be friends forever, okay? I don’t want just another hundred years, but if that’s all I’ve got with you girls, then I’ll take it.

You’re all so hugely buckets, you could pass as vats.

Hope you got that awful joke!

Talk to you in person someday soon...


Keep on rockin'

~The Mad Khatter